Disclaimer: The following article is a work of satire, written for entertainment purposes only. Nothing herein should be construed as fact or as investment advice. All tweets are artificially generated online.
A new meme coin is making its way up CoinMarketCap’s rankings as it draws in a devoted horde of fans, believers and investors. Put aside Dogecoin, Shiba Inu and Floki! Nu, Inu Doge Goodboi Ape Floki [IDGAF] is here and ready to take you to the moon.
A doggy style affair
It all started on March 10 when world-famous space polluter Elon Musk tweeted a photo of a chic-looking hot dog, with a cryptic caption.
Well, that was all it took to unleash all hell as thousands of investors rushed to the exchanges to panic sell their FLOKI tokens. Meanwhile, DOGE and SHIB also posted losses of 5.78% and 13.54% over 24 hours, respectively.
However, one crypto that remained stubbornly green was Inu Doge Goodboi Ape Floki [IDGAF]† The BEP-20 token dominated CoinMarketCap’s top winners list after rising 34359502% on March 12.
By the end of the 12th, IDGAF was trading at $0.0000 trillion, and had a total stock of ten quadrillion. According to the project’s whitepaper — written in broken English and typed in Comic Sans with fluorescent orange lettering — IDGAF aims to “spread pawsitivity and monke-mischif through the crypto cumunity and reach a market cap of $100 billion.”
IDGAF’s tokenomics are worth noting here. Being a rebase asset, the number of tokens in an investor’s wallet automatically decreases based on whether the market was a “goodboi” that day or not. This is, of course, to maintain scarcity.
The founding team consists of highly experienced DeFi power player Dr. John Smith, his technical advisor Dr. Jane Doe, developer Dr. Fa KeName and legal partner Dr. Ai Generated Pic. None of them have LinkedIn accounts or social media profiles.
IDGAF is also eager to make its mark in the real world. In honor of International Women’s Day this year, the rising star team launched its NFT marketplace and debut collection.
“Barks for Empowerment” featured 1,000 iconic NFTs of heavily objectified she-dogs in bikinis, swooning into the arms of bored-looking male monkeys. Each NFT costs 8,008 ETH.
Now that the paid promotion section of this article is over, let’s dive into a stats-based analysis that will be of interest to exactly four people.
The part you pretend to understand
A cursory glance at the asset’s WTH indicator revealed significant upward movement as the stat rose 124.6% in just three days. Many investors would view this as a strong buy signal.
What’s more, when we analyze the 69-day SMH moving average with respect to the TGIF ratio, we can conclude that IDGAF is clearly in the realm of bulls that have decimated the bears. Meanwhile, peacocks wrestled with dodos, sharks did the disco, and skunks were filling their wallets too.
Then LMFAO Weighted Sentiment revealed that IDGAF buyers were entranced with euphoric ecstasy, confident they would soon dethrone Elon Musk in terms of power. In addition, the NGMI indicator showed that more than 95% of IDGAF’s investors were crypto traders who discovered the industry last week.
Rather, the Underwhelming Oscillator painted blood red bars and warned of an impending downtrend. However, investors were more interested in TradingView’s moon phase indicator. This seemed to indicate that those hoping to buy the dip would have a short window of opportunity before the next moon night.
Later, the official Twitter account for Inu Doge Goodboi Ape Floki restricted all comments to his posts. Ergo, the voices of users complaining about missing tokens and empty wallets were lost in the guts of social media.
In addition, BSC Scan revealed that 38 addresses using the IDGAF token have made more than 19,000 transactions.
Industry intellectuals speak
Now you may wonder how other crypto philosophers reacted to the sensational entry of the newest pupper on the market?
Well, as expected, it didn’t take long for TRON founder Justin Sun to make it all about himself.
AMBCrypto also reached out to economist and Schiff Gold chairman Peter Schiff to comment on IDGAF’s popularity. However, the gold beetle did not respond.
After multiple requests for explanations, AMBCrypto received this message.
However, it’s worth pointing out that by the 13th, IDGAF had lost 98% of its value after investors realized the BEP-20 token was a carpet. They couldn’t sell IDGAF – not even on PancakeSwap.
The short-lived meme coin quickly found its way to the top of CoinMarketCap’s “biggest losers” list.
This post Why You Shouldn’t Do IDGAF About This Crypto’s 34359502% Pump And…
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